Dude, Seriously?

After just two days of Western Montana’s “Get Your Guide On” Flyfishing Guide School, seasoned two-year vets Maddox and Karter say they can totally separate the future guides from the wannabees. Here’s a partial list of giveaway blunders they have witnessed:

1. Calls rowing “oaring.”
2. Ties on fly using regular clinch knot just minutes after attending seminar on improved clinch knot.
3. In “shuttle logistics” class, ends up at takeout with neither boat nor vehicle.
4. Requests salad and pino for lunch.
5. Calls an Ephemerella subvaria an Ephemerella invaria! As if!
6. Launches sweet new driftboat, then asks where plugs are.
7. Casting motion performed on a two-count rhythm between 8 and 4:30.
8. Keeps asking about 401k and dental.
9. Calls caddis “mothy thingies,” then asks, “When do I get to fish?”
10. Wouldn’t touch “slimy” whitefish.
11. Brought spey rod, wears kilt, asks to be called “Amarillo Skagitmaster.”
12. Carries tip jar, flute for slow days.
13. Has Derek DeYoung art as facepaint.
14. Pulls driftboat behind Cadillac Escalade with 30-inch Dubs and personalized license plate. (“Ballr”)
15. Chew stain on flannel is suspect.
16. “Guide dog” is hairless Chihuahua named Tiny Dancer.
17. “How do I apply this bear spray?”