Veterans at guide-training school can totally tell who ain’t gonna make it.
After just two days of Western Montana’s “Get Your Guide On” Flyfishing Guide School, seasoned two-year vets Maddox and Karter say they can totally separate the future guides from the wannabees. Here’s a partial list of giveaway blunders they have witnessed:
- Calls rowing “oaring.”
- Ties on fly using regular clinch knot just minutes after attending seminar on improved clinch knot.
- In “shuttle logistics” class, ends up at takeout with neither boat nor vehicle.
- Requests salad and pino for lunch.
- Calls an Ephemerella subvaria an Ephemerella invaria! As if!
- Launches sweet new driftboat, then asks where plugs are.
- Casting motion performed on a two-count rhythm between 8 and 4:30.
- Keeps asking about 401k and dental.
- Calls caddis “mothy thingies,” then asks, “When do I get to fish?”
- Wouldn’t touch “slimy” whitefish.
- Brought spey rod, wears kilt, asks to be called “Amarillo Skagitmaster.”
- Carries tip jar, flute for slow days.
- Has Derek DeYoung art as facepaint.
- Pulls driftboat behind Cadillac Escalade with 30-inch Dubs and personalized license plate. (“Ballr”)
- Chew stain on flannel is suspect.
- “Guide dog” is hairless Chihuahua named Tiny Dancer.
- “How do I apply this bear spray?”