Drake Magazine Back Issue Content 2010Drake Magazine Back Issue Content Winter/Spring 2010HumorLifestyleLodge Guest
      1. The Been-There-Done-That Guy
        He is a walking, yammering Wikipedia of guides, lodges, rivers, oceans, lakes and fish. He’s the best caster he’s ever met. He sets up his vise on the bar during happy hour and forces you to notice his extraordinary tying skills. He owns three obscure IGFA records and is working on six more that no one will care about. He’ll ask you a question about fishing just so he can cut you off in mid-reply and answer it himself. He is, quite possibly, the most uninteresting man in the world.

Lodge Guest
    1. The Industry Guy
      He comes in many forms: shop owner, travel agent, writer, photographer and gear rep. If he’s a new industry guy he’ll do well to keep his voice down and his head below the radar. If he’s a career industry guy he’ll concede the best guides, sleep in the worst bed, eat leftovers with the kitchen help, and repeatedly announce to everyone within earshot, “I’m just happy to be here!”
    2. The High-Maintenance Guy
      If you’re sharing the lodge with this guy, you should take comfort in the fact that you’re booked into the best week of the year for wind, sunlight, tide, temperature, moon phase and fish movement. He wouldn’t be there if all those planets weren’t perfectly aligned. Unfortunately, your week will still suck because he’s left you with the worst guide, a leaky boat, last choice of fishing water, and a room with a small insect problem.
    3. The Gear Queer
      You know him well. He ships his rod and duffel arsenal to the lodge in advance. He cleans his fly lines every ten minutes and replaces his backing nightly. He can tie knots with his feet that Flip and Lefty have never heard of. His leader recipes are written on index cards. His vest is a bulging, tangled grab bag of useless doohickeys. He firmly believes that the next great rod design is the one that will finally allow him to accurately deliver a fly past his current maximum range of sixteen feet.
    4. The Life of the Party
      He’s the last one to bed and the last one up. If he gets on the water at all it’s only because the lodge bar is closed during fishing hours. Sometimes he’ll have a trophy companion in tow. If she’s still on her feet after happy hour and dinner, there’s a good chance that the lodge’s weekly tip pool will be quickly depleted in $1 increments.
    5. The Whiner
      Hold your nose while reading this and exaggerate each syllable break. My bed sheets are gritty. My guide called me a Pendejo. Our motor runs really smokey. Two bath towels for an entire week? These fish are really spooky. Does the wind always blow this hard? There’s a dead scorpion in our shower. I’ve only caught two fish all week. Twenty bucks a day for guide tips? This lettuce is wilted. Do you have any Dijonnaise?
    6. The Angler
      This is the guy that you likely didn’t notice. He brought the right gear and knew how to use it. He caught plenty of fish but didn’t feel the need to tell you about them. He was the nice guy at the dinner table that listened more than he talked; the guy whose face you’ll probably remember, but whose name you’ll never recall.

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Tosh Brown
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24 Comments

  1. Amusing story. My experience at fishing lodges was better than this. Personality variations for sure, but nothing quite so black and white or exaggerated. Lots of good stories come from these experiences. Some jerks around, but plenty of friendly, interesting people, some of whom you may correspond with after the fact. Often great sources of information and amusing fishing tales!

    If I were to think which personality is most likely to be exaggerated and potentially the most unpleasant of the bunch, it might be closer to “the angler” than any of the others. Were I to target this personality for ridicule, such as the others were above, it might look like this:

    “The Angler”: Catches plenty of fish, but does not feel the need to tell you about them. He sees himself as superior, and most others unworthy of a serious fishing discussion. If pressed, he will likely let you know that his way is the best, and those who don’t agree should be disregarded.

  2. Good stuff. I’ve been fortunate to meet some really interesting characters at the few lodges I’ve fished. I’ve met several of the Been-There guys, but who didn’t have the superiority thing at all… they just loved to fish and had a million stories. Love listening to those guys.

  3. Tosh – Shit man – you forgot me! I mean who needs bar hours when one brings their own hooch from the duty free? The fish – f’em, I let the guide fish while I pole the skiff. After all, we all need a day off from the aforementioned..

  4. Ya kinda missed one. The Stealth Angler. This is the guy who long ago actually was a guide. The guy who had a touch of wanderlust in his heart, who travelled on the edge of a dime and visited countless places, but holds his cards close to the vest. You’ll bump into him at a happy hour wearing flip flops, khaki shorts, a Grateful Dead tee, and a worn out hat from a fly-shop long since shuttered. You’ll see him on the water the next day in the same clothes (waterless) tearing it up on his less than perfect flies cast from a yellow glass rod.

  5. I’m the “wish I caught more fish” guy that seems to always go fishing on the eve of the worst (enter winter, summer, fall, spring storm ever) that forever alters the river bottom and blows the river out to “levels I’ve never seen.” Happened during steelhead this spring already. Plenty more WOT (waste of time) trips in the future. But it’s still better than running full speed into the corner of my desk at work.

  6. AMAZING and so true! Been a fishing guide for over 18 years. An this description is so accurate it made my laugh for 10 minutes! I will love to share this in my facebook page if you don’t mind! Men, you are good! I could help you adding a few more… haha! CONGRATULATIONS on putting together is perfect list!

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