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By Average Joe
LA Fly Guy wrote: Fri Jul 29, 2022 7:15 am I gotta know Joe, are you picking the bottles at random, or is there some order to which you are finishing them off?
I started with the hard brown stuff, and am now working my way through the hard clear stuff. After that I'll tackle the sweet/weird stuff. Within those three groups it's all been random.
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By Average Joe
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I have lunch with my friend Bruce at least twice a month. He’s loud, brash, a fantastic storyteller, has an opinion on everything, and is one of the most fearless men I’ve ever met. He won the World’s Strongest Man competition in 1977 and 1978, and if anyone’s interested these shitty videos will give you an idea of what he looked like back in the day.

Here’s a more recent video. He looks a lot different now, but not much else has changed.

When we worked together we always had lunch in The City and never saw each other on the weekends. After we’d both retired, he called me up one day and said, “Let’s have lunch. Give me your address and I’ll pick you up.” We had a nice meal, along with a bottle or two of wine, and then he brought me back home. He’d never been to my house before, so I asked him if he wanted to come in and have a drink.


“What can I get you?”

“How about some of that Ketel One? I really like that stuff.”

“You bet. What do you want with it?”

“Nothing. All I need is that bottle and a glass.”

I poured myself a brandy and then we went outside and spent the rest of the afternoon drinking and smoking cigars on the patio.

The afternoon melted into early evening, and we both got shitfaced. A sober Bruce can be a lot to handle, and I discovered that a drunk Bruce is off the charts. I told him to call his wife and have her come pick him up, but he wouldn’t listen. He made it home OK, but his wife was royally pissed off at us. My wife wasn’t too happy either. We still get together for lunch on a regular basis, but that was the last time I invited him to come by and have a drink.
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By Average Joe
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Many years ago I had a friend who loved to drink martinis. By martinis I mean cold gin. No vermouth, no olives… just gin.
Specifically, Bombay Sapphire.

One afternoon when we were out on the patio I said, “I know you like to call what you're drinking a martini, but it's really not. You should think about calling it something else. Something original.”

After a long pause he said, “You’re right.”

Then he picked up the bottle, took a long hard stare at the solemn portrait of Queen Victoria on the label and said, “Going forward we're going to call this drink a Blue Vickie.”

And so we did.

He was a great guy.

Passed away in 1998.
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By sarmulminnow
I know his guy Joe. The bubble line behind his boat is full of goodness!
Tried to save the sausage for Luauishness…
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By Average Joe
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I rarely consume mixed drinks, but I do like a good margarita, and since a bottle of tequila and two bottles of orange liqueur are on the list of things to go, that’s what I’ll be drinking for the next couple of days.
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By Average Joe
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Kahlua was quite popular back in the 70’s. Even though it was from Mexico, it was viewed as being something “exotic.” Growing up, most people took it in coffee, and whenever my wife and I entertained I always put a bottle on the table after dinner. The Big Lebowski revived its popularity a bit, but I don’t know of anyone who drinks it anymore.
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By Average Joe
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I met Chris and Ellen at one of my wife’s company Christmas parties. My wife worked with Ellen, and Chris was her partner. In some ways they were stereotypical lesbians. They owned a Subaru, had a golden retriever named Bran, and adopted an odd way of spelling their names (Khris and Elin). They were both smokers (my wife and I both smoked at the time), loved to cook, loved to eat, and loved booze.

The first time we invited them over I asked them what they wanted to drink, and Ellen said, “I’ll have a SoCo.”

“A SoCo?”

“Southern Comfort and Coke.”

She was six SoCo’s deep by the time dinner hit the table.

During the meal we polished off a couple bottles of wine, and after dinner my wife made coffee while I put out the liqueurs: Grand Mariner and Kahlua, along with some other stuff. When Chris and Ellen saw the Tuaca they both said, “What’s that?” I poured them each a shot, and they absolutely loved the stuff.

Every time we got together after that, whether it was at their house or ours, as soon as dinner was finished, out came a bottle of Tuaca, and by the end of the evening it was usually empty. This went on for years.

Bran got old and died, and they decided to have a baby. They quit smoking, quit drinking, bought some sperm, and Chris got the turkey baster. After the baby was born they started hanging out with other couples who also had babies. It wasn’t a surprise. Throughout the years we’ve had many friends drift away once they’ve had children.

I’ve no idea what happened to Chris and Ellen, but I hope they’re happy and doing well.
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By Average Joe
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At one point during his life the Old Man decided to make his own wine. He liked big, heavy reds, and zinfandel grapes were widely available, so that’s mostly what he made. He started small, but eventually had a dozen or so 60 gallon French oak barrels in the basement that all held wine in various stages of fermentation. He usually let his wine soak in the oak for two years before bottling it. It was never great, and sometimes it was fucking awful, but he liked it. A friend of his built him a still, and he used that to cook the really bad stuff that even he wouldn’t drink. The shine was often smoother than the wine. Sometimes he’d put the shine in a small oak cask with some dried plums or apricots, let it age for a bit, and call it brandy, but usually we just drank it as is. This is the last of it.
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Cheers Old Man.
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By Average Joe
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Just about everything is gone now, with a few exceptions.

We have Neil and his wife over for dinner once every couple of months. He likes well aged Jameson, and she drinks bourbon Manhattans, so I put these aside for the next time they visit.

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My wife enjoys a glass of port after dinner, and when the mood strikes I’ll sometimes make crêpes suzette for dessert, so I saved these two bottles as well.

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Found these in the lower cabinet.

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Not sure where they came from. Party favors maybe, or possibly a fly swap.

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Once I knock this back that'll be the end of it, and I’ll lean on the Hobo Spice full time going forward.

That’s it. End of the line. Hope you enjoyed the journey.

Cheers boys.

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By austrotard
fuck it.
now let's see you eat everything in the cupboard.

"why my missus decided to buy four tins of stewed tomatoes is beyond me but..."

and then after that... use every tool in the garage.
(and don't forget to fuck them all into the bin... that's the best bit)
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By Average Joe
austrotard wrote: Wed Aug 10, 2022 3:22 am fuck it.
now let's see you eat everything in the cupboard.
That’s a horrible idea.
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Besides, I’ve already done my bit.

A better idea would be if you ate it.

Take a picture of your morning shit and then let us guess what you consumed the previous day.

Canned corn should be easy.
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It has been over a year and a half since I've drank the piss. Shunned will have something shitty to say about that, I'm sure, the Poof.

Relates: January 3rd is 2 years
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